I Don’t Know If I’m Ready For Birds. They’re So Chatty.

Okay, so for real.

I have been indulging in alcohol and weed way too much since Eva’s been born. I’m at the point now where I can’t really use the “I just had a baby” card.

I’m not going to Tweet out this post….it’s just for me, to hold myself accountable. I’m letting myself enjoy one more day of frivolous drinking. Drinking going forward for the foreseeable future shall be mindful.

I know I’ve been drinking too much, and honestly smoking too much too. I have a chronic lung condition and smoking weed exacerbates the constant cough, which affects those around me.

Honestly, I’ve switched from beer to vodka lately because I’m still trying to lose that last five to ten pounds of baby weight, and I had a flashback this evening to an alcoholic ex boyfriend who drank a shitload of vodka every day. I can’t do that anymore.

So by mindful drinking and smoking I mean: Not taking a shot just for the heck of it. Not smoking weed in the morning. Not smoking weed alone, for the most part. Not taking a hit here and there – if I’m smoking it’s a thing and I’m doing it with my husband or whomever.

The thing is. Is that I want one more kid. I haven’t said that on here before but it’s true. I love my children so much and I really want one more. I have to go through pregnancy one more time. And childbirth.

I know I have an addictive personality and knowing that I’ll have to go nine months for a third time without drinking or smoking makes me want to enjoy every second I can now – too much.

I know I can readjust my attitude and behavior, because I’ve done it before. There’s never going to be a, “aha, I have it, now I’m perfect and all is done” moment. It’s an ongoing process, forever, trying to be a good person, a healthy person, but also to live and have fun and not be a stick in the mud while you can.

So, small goals, just for tomorrow, I won’t drink, at all. I will smoke. No drinking. I’m holding myself to it and will report back.

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