Authenticity

Not False or Copied; Genuine, Real

Well, I’ve challenged myself to be more authentic so how about some excerpts from my actual journal? It probably doesn’t get more genuine than that. It’s barely edited. Like a tiny bit.

Written recently:

I’ve been thinking a lot about my recent depression (I’m not going to therapy anymore by the way, she agreed I didn’t need it right now and can use her on an as needed basis). It’s really all about positive thinking, I think.

There are so many times when I’ve been in a good mood and in good spirits and things went…well. But when I’m not happy and don’t feel good about myself then…like I’m not happy. But the important thing is that the external forces and things going on in reality don’t change. At all. It’s just me and my thoughts that change, and that changes everything.

So I’ve been thinking about that stuff and trying to recapture the constant happiness I felt the first few weeks after Eva was born.

I think the other part to being happy besides a good attitude towards day to day challenges is being grateful and thankful for the things that you have. I know several people who have lost babies – via miscarriage and stillborn and when just a couple weeks old – and I know how insane it is to have two healthy, happy children.

—-

Current me again. Things have been going well, marriage wise, and work-wise. I think work stress is about to pick up but I also feel much more emotionally detached. Like I can kick ass while I’m there but then leave it at the office when I’m not there.

I have not cut back on drinking and smoking weed as much as I intended to with the New Year coming. To make a long story short, Dan couldn’t drink for awhile and then he actually could and I actually could at the same time and we got trashed together for a few nights and it was frivolous and amazing.

But now it’s time to get back to the grind. Be serious. Work hard. But also play hard like a little bit.

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