No Weed, Day 98

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered

A couple weekends ago was one of my first tests of being around people socially who were smoking while I wasn’t and for the most part it went totally fine and I didn’t feel tempted.

Until, the morning. It would have been so, so nice to sit on our friends’ deck and smoke in the morning while drinking coffee and reading my book, like I have there before. That’s something I can’t even do at home.

But I didn’t. Next up: a wedding. But I kind of think that will also be fine. No one will be smoking until much later, and I might be able to read a book in a hotel room instead. I will have to dance sober, but I’m pretty sure I can handle that too.

This blog – while I’m pregnant anyway – has much more of a “eh, I wanted to smoke, but I didn’t, the end” kind of feel. Kind of anticlimactic, but I’m also super relieved I’m not spiraling into some kind of panic. Most of the time.

Early Mornings…Every Day?

This past weekend had some ups and downs. I ran a 5K on Saturday and did better than I thought I would. Dan and Theo came to cheer me on and it brings me so much joy that they come to watch me run. Incredible amounts of joy. I was on a high for the rest of the day.

Sunday I had to spend all day driving to a friend’s wedding shower and back. Before leaving, I argued with Dan. The morning did not start off well. I got up at 5:15 to read/drink coffee/do yoga before dealing with Theo. But Theo was also up at 5:15.

He’s gone through phases where he gets up around that time, and then gets up around 6, and now we’re back to getting up when I do. It enrages me sometimes that I get up at 5:15 to have time alone before dealing with my kid and that’s not early enough.

But I’ve decided to give that up and accept he’s getting up then. I don’t really want to push his bedtime. It’s too stressful listening to him cry for me while I’m trying to relax, and Dan is trying to sleep. And I’ve trained him so he doesn’t expect me to play with him in the morning – we’re each doing our own thing.

Dan and I have been taking turns getting up with Theo, switching off each day, but I told him today I’m just going to get up with him for the foreseeable future.

Moms and More Moms and Supporting Moms

Anyway. I was in a bad mood and I actually don’t even remember what happened now, but I left crying and feeling like both Dan and Theo couldn’t wait to get rid of me. Awhile later Dan texted me a heart, which meant he was thinking of me and loving me but we didn’t need to hash out the argument.

I listened to an audiobook and then a podcast I hadn’t checked out yet, Motherhood Sessions. I alternately felt significantly better about everything and super hormonal emotional. Had to switch to music shortly before getting to the shower to move on from the couple with the premature twins story.

I thought I’d have to switch gears while at the shower but ended up setting next a woman with two boys and we chatted about our kids and our birth stories and how we chose their names and what we think about breast feeding and how her placenta previa was worse than my placenta previa and why are people so judgy about pregnant women exercising anyway when we’re supposed to stay active and it’s doctor approved.

The Second Child – They’re A-Comin’

Listened to more episodes on the way home. Somewhere in there was an episode on Can I Handle Having a Second Child?

Two takeaways from that one for me:

1) Think about what you’re going to do when the toddler wants attention but you need to feed/rock/etc. the baby. Don’t just dread it. Accept that it’s going to happen (because it is) and have creative solutions ready to go.

I think I’m going to try bribing. He’s also grasped the word “soon” recently. “I will play with you soon.” “If you sit and watch your show I will give you candy when I am done with the baby.” Or maybe, “I need to put the baby to sleep and you are screaming. I need to walk away from you right now, but I will come back soon, and we will play.”

2) Shift the focus from “you’re special because you’re my baby” to “you’re special because you’re Mommy’s big boy/a big brother.”

“Look at you eating big boy food, isn’t this fun? I’m eating the same food as you.” “You get to play with these toy trucks because you’re such a big boy, the baby can’t play with those yet.” “You are such a great big brother – you’re so gentle and loving with the baby.” (Hopefully.)

I don’t know if that second part is going to help Theo but it’s already helping me to reframe this introduction of the second child in my head.

Video Games – They Need to Be Loved Too

Dan and I ended up arguing again when I got home. But I think we worked it out today. I needed him for five minutes before he disappeared to play video games for hours, but he’d been on Theo duty all day while I was out and was just done and needed to make his escape to the basement, was basically what happened.

Somehow this escalated to Dan thinking, the video games are obviously a problem, I’m going to stop doing them completely and just be here for you. And I’m like, no, I’m fine, you don’t have to stop completely, it’s healthy for each of us to have our own hobbies, I like my time to myself in the evenings too.

Also, he’ll have to cut back when baby is here, so might as well enjoy these marathon gaming sessions while he can.

We talked about it again today after Dan had time to think about it and he’s not going to completely give them up. It’s going to be a balance, and an interesting one when the baby is here, but we’ll work it out.

Speaking of which, Dan’s Father’s Day gift arrived addressed to me, in a World of Warcraft box. I feel like I’m not fooling anyone.

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