No Weed, Day 36

Really? It’s only Day 36? It feels like 63.

I did as promised work on my novel at least a little every day (except yesterday but technically the two week time frame ended on Sunday) but I have…barely made a dent since I’ve only done a tiny bit each time.

I constantly waver between guilt that I’m not doing more, and contentment that at least I’m doing something and not giving up on it. I’m not the fastest gazelle but I’m getting away from the cheetah who doesn’t want me to publish.

That’s sort of a Dave Ramsey reference. I don’t follow him religiously (and his conservative Christian self would probably be horrified if he knew a stoner mom followed him) but Dan listens to his podcast sometimes in front of me.

He put it on the other night during dinner. A couple was on to do a debt free scream, which is sort of what it sounds like. You get out of debt and you come on the show to explain your story and then you yell, “We’re debt free!!”

When this couple was asked what prompted them to get out of over $100,000 of debt the woman tearfully told Dave they were trying to adopt their nephew but couldn’t afford the legal fees and he had to go back to foster care. At this point they had him in their care but he wasn’t yet officially adopted.

I just put down my fork and started bawling. This is who I am now.

On another pregnancy related note I’ve been having incredibly intense dreams that I might actually remember the next morning. These have included but are not limited to:

-I saw Jerry Buting getting sucked into a boat engine (he died)

-I was newly dating a man at my work who in real life has been with his husband for nearly 20 years

-I was in college at a dorm, my brother-in-law and an ex where there, and every single person at the college got picked up by the cops and searched for drugs except they were basically holding us hostage for an indeterminate amount of time

-I was doing sexual things with an ex boyfriend of a good friend of mine’s who also happens to be the brother of a guy I dated in high school/the guy I lost my virginity to

-I was doing sexual things with a female friend of my husband’s

Oh fun times.

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